I saw you cry.

“She chooses to be stronger than what they have done to her. She chooses to be a survivor.”

I thought that it was impossible. So many times, I was thinking how people come over being destroyed to the core, in body and mind. How is it that some people are meant to survive years of physical and mental torture, abuse, and humiliations? How they survive loss of any hope and worth?

I saw you cry so many times. So many times I saw you almost giving up the fight. It is difficult to come up every morning and find the energy to believe that maybe today is a better day. And many times, it was not the hope and believe that kept you going. It was things that had to be done. Food that had to be made, rooms that had to be cleaned, kids that had to be delivered and picked up, homework that they had to be helped with, the love they had to see and feel from you. It was not about you. Nothing for you was about you. There was no you in your own eyes. You did not exist. You did not believe. You did not hope. But still, you had to be there for them, your kids. And you did it.

I saw you cry so many times. Sometimes you were truthfully ready to go. The only thing you longed after was to go and avoid feeling the pain that those monsters who tortured you, left in your soul. They took so much from you. They took everything from you – any feeling of security and worth. Why did they do it? Why you? I saw you ask those questions repeatedly endlessly times. And not only these questions, because there were many other questions as well that no one could ever give answer to.

I saw you cry so many times. But one day, I saw that you were done with crying. The day you left being a victim behind and became a survivor. You straightened your back, lifted your head, and made a decision to be stronger than what they had done to you. As a silent witness I have witnessed your journey, and now I know that yes, it is in fact possible to rise from the ashes and be born again.

Just promise me two things. Never give up. And always look forward.